2010

I've never been so glad to see a year end.  This has been roller coaster ride of a year.  To me, this year will be known as the year of loss.

First the high points:

We moved back to Lubbock.  Aaron started his job in January and I started mine in March.  We moved into our house in March.  It has been great to be back "home".  We fell right back into the way things were.  It's so nice to have so many close friends that we know we can count on in a pinch plus my parents are only 30 minutes away instead of an hour and 30 minutes.

Aaron got a fantastic job working for Fernando Bustos.  This was definitely a great decision.  They have stayed incredibly busy.  It's nice to have him working in a place that is so family friendly.  I guess when the boss has 9 children it has to be family friendly. 

I'm working at Buckner Children and Family Services as a Foster Home Developer.  I'm about to see my first adoption finalized.  I can't even begin to tell you the feeling that goes along with helping a family adopt children out of the system and to know that these children have found a forever family.  I stay plenty busy with the trainings I put on, all other aspects of my job and Michael.

Speaking of the little dear, he has absolutely flourished since we moved.  We've guesstimated his vocabulary at well over 500 words now.  He speaks in 4-5 word sentences.  I think the biggest word I've heard him use was ridiculous and that was a couple mornings ago.  Aaron and I are constantly amazed at how much of a little sponge Michael is.  We got him potty trained this summer.  He still has the occasional accident but I can't tell you what a relief it is to not have to change diapers.  He still sleeps in a Pull-Up and wears one when we go on long trips.  However, he is waking up more and more often dry and we stopped enough on our recent trip to Grandpa's that he stayed dry the entire time.  I am now that mom in the bathroom with the little one that announces to the world what they are doing in the bathroom and what I am doing.  I thought I was going to die of humiliation the day he let the whole bathroom know what I was doing for the first time.  The kicker to that was he pretended to call Daddy, Nana and Granny to tell them what Mommy was doing.  I guess this is my payback for doing the exact same thing to several people when I was little.  He is precious though.

Now the low points:

We started the year elated that I was pregnant and amazed by the fact that it had happened without any medical intervention.  That was a very short lived joy.  I found out on Monday that I was pregnant and by Friday that week, I was starting to miscarry.  I think that is one of the hardest things I have ever dealt with in my 32 years.  I would love to tell you that I've been able to pick up the pieces and move on, but that would be an outright lie.  I think about that baby on a daily basis.  My arms and heart still ache for that little one.  I never knew you could love someone so much that you only knew about 6 days.  I'm sure as time goes on, the pain will dull but I highly doubt it will ever cease to exist. 

In May, I lost my Nanny.  That was a strained relationship, but no matter what had happened she was and will always be my grandmother.  I have some fantastic memories of her and Pawpaw.  I regret that she didn't get to know my child the way a great-grandmother should.  I regret that I didn't get a last chance to tell her how much I truly love her and what an impact she had on my life.  I'm proud of myself for standing up for myself and going to the funeral home to say a final good-bye and not letting anyone stand in the way of that.  There are people that turned her against us in her final years, but they can never take away the good times and the fact that in my heart of hearts I know she loved me and Michael.  I hope that I can tell him enough stories of the good that he can feel like he knew her.

The day after Nanny died we lost Aaron's Aunt Sharon.  I never had the pleasure of meeting her.  I wish I could say something super nice about her, but I never knew her.  I do know that she was way too young to die.  I know Aaron has many memories of her.

In September, I lost Mom, my dad's mother.  I could never imagine losing her so tragically.  She was such a rock and was so deeply loved by her family.  I will forever cherish the memories that I have of Pop and her.  I love that she got to know Michael.  I love that he got to know her.  I don't know how much he'll remember but he still talks about her on a regular basis.  He talks about seeing her at Nana's house.  He talks about her piano that now sits in my dining room.  She was crazy about that kid.  The smell of moth balls will forever take me back to her house and to the great time we had.  I had fabulous examples as grandparents on both the Chaffin and Moore side.  I am a blessed woman to have had that.  It's just hard to know that I started the year with half of my grandparents and will end the year with none.

I was also rocked this year by the loss of two men that I went to school with.  I hadn't been close to one but I consider his mom a friend and someone worth looking up to.  The other I had a superficial friendship with in school.  They both died from cancer.  What a horrible disease to take two young people in their 30s, in the prime of their lives, and leave behind wives and young children.  Cancer is a horrible, horrible disease.

Baby update:

I wish I could end this post with news of a pregnancy, but I can't.  After the miscarriage, we were deep into moving to Lubbock.  I went to see a regular OB/GYN in March.  My doctor in Midland was afraid I was going to need a D&C after the miscarriage at that time due to some issues I was having, but thankfully I didn't have to go through that.  He referred me on to a Fertility Specialist here, but, like with all specialist now days, there was a long wait to get in and see her.  We saw Dr. Phy the first part of June.  We started with more testing on me to see what all she wanted to do.  By July, we had a plan in place and just had to wait on the appropriate time.  We did two cycles of shots and insemination.  Neither time worked.  We decided to take some time off since I had a business trip coming up and we were planning on traveling for both Thanksgiving and Christmas.  Fertility treatments take a lot of time, energy and emotion to get through.  This time off has given my body some time to rest plus take over 20 pounds of weight off.  Hopefully, sometime in the New Year, I'll be able to tell all my readers that we have another little one on the way.

I hope everyone out there has a blessed 2011!!